damp

Person Who Is Usually Reasonable: Hey, Sara, you know about lots of stuff. Can I ask you something?.
Sara: Of course. What's up?
PWIUR: Well, like... I was just wondering if you could give me some information on, you know....
Sara: On?
PWIUR: On, like, you know, training to become a vampire.
Sara: ...
PWIUR: And you can learn the, you know, skills. To become one. I know they exist, don't they?
Sara: ... No.
PWIUR: But, but... There are vampire lesbian cults on the Internet!
Sara: I'm sure there are, but those people are just dressing up and pretending. It's fantasy, like in D&D roleplaying or zombie parades. It's just for fun.
PWIUR: I dunno, I think you can get vampire training.
Sara: You believe that humans can train to live for thousands of years and subsist off of blood sucked from the jugulars of the living?
PWIUR: Yes! I saw it somewhere.
Sara: On the Internet.
PWIUR: Yeah, but also somewhere else.
Sara: Where?
PWIUR: On that episode of The L Word.
Sara: ... That's a TV show.
PWIUR: Yeah, but a lot of the stuff on that show is like real life!
Sara: But not lesbian vampires.
PWIUR: Yeah, but I think I know one.
Sara: Who?
PWIUR: My ex-girlfriend. One time she, like, bit my neck... really hard.
Sara: See this French fry? (Holds up French fry) I can bite this French fry really hard, but that does not make me a vampire.
PWIUR: ARE you a vampire?
Sara: No!
PWIUR: I think you're wrong. I think I can become a vampire.
Sara: You're welcome to practice on these French fries.